WTF! Moments
by Sakana.Lover
Summary: Oneshot Series. Update: Sasuke Uchiha didn't play well with others. His three partners he's shot for incompetence can attest to that. That's why he generally works alone. That is, until his satanic elder brother brings back that last partner the raven-haired man ever expected- his ex. SasuNaru.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Here's the start of my one-shot series (finally off the ground and working). Nothing else out worth reading from me, so I'll keep you posted. This will last as long as I have random plots to write about and may or may not become full-length stories. Once again depends on how much inspiration I have. **

**Warning: foul language, guy on guy sex (nothing explicit), other stuff...**

**Disclaimer: Based off of Natalie by Bruno Mars (check it out, it'll make more sense if you do). As always, the cast of Naruto, Naruto Shippuden and any other characters are owned solely by Masashi Kishimoto.**

* * *

I stood frozen staring across my living room, my left hand paused halfway from tugging down the red tie I had chosen to wear that day while the other was running through my bangs, ruining my slicked back hair. After spending a total of eight hours sitting in the bank that my brother had entrusted my funds to, the accountant had come up with an unhelpful, "You're fucked."

As if I hadn't already come up with that solution once my secretary had come to the same summary. Of course, she had at least had the common courtesy to say this once she actually did some digging to discover _why_ my bank account had suddenly run dry, this being a hefty withdrawal earlier that week.

The reason for the lack of monetary worth to my name- being an Uchiha, this within itself was unheard of- had promptly disappeared from the vicinity of Konoha in the last few days.

Now, however, I had come home to see that this same con artist was sitting on my maroon-colored love seat with a drink resting in his hand. His cerulean eyes glowed with undisguised mirth. "Sasuke," he cooed, rising from his perch.

I saw red.

Ripping off my tie, my feet carried me through the living room and I immediately grabbed a fistful of the blond's shirt, bringing him forward. "You gold-digging bitch! What the fuck did you do with all my money!?"

His lips widened in a grin to reveal pearly white teeth. His smile was probably one of the things I had loved the most about the blond.

Loved being in the past tense.

An unbelievable past tense.

"Is that the only thing you have to say to me, Sweet cakes. After all, we haven't seen each other in days. Little Sasuke must have missed me."

He grabbed me through my pants, skillfully stroking me until I could feel the familiar heat rush between my legs. Releasing the hold I held on the blond, I take a few steps back. My anger was more than enough to keep my mind off of anything other than the devil blond that lounged back into my couch, grabbing the drink he had laid down before I had grabbed him. "Answer the fucking question Naruto!" I growled out, my rationality flying out the window at the sight of the epicenter to all of my problems making himself so at home.

"Such profanity," he mocked, draining his drink and placing it back on the table with a small clink.

His bright blue eyes focused on me, but I saw the undermining glee within them. He thought this whole thing was one big laugh, probably made even funnier by my anger. "Tell me where my money is before you regret ever coming back."

He stretched out further on my couch before slinking towards me, his hips gathering my attention just as they had that faithful day so many months before. A day I begrudgingly admit I would never come to regret. As it was, I had no doubt in my mind that Naruto could make any being sin, originate he from heaven or hell. "Your money is where it belongs," he scolded, a pout on his face, "And you can call your skimpy little secretary to verify that what I speak is the truth, but first..."

He grabbed the sides of my shirt, dragging me forward. Sliding his tongue up my throat, he brings forth memories of nights spent on the edge of insanity for hours because of this goddamn tease. "Naruto..." I warned, knowing well that my own conviction was wavering at the temptation that the blond vixen proposed.

"Sasuke," he moaned in retaliation, untucking my shirt tails and reaching up the cloth.

I growled out in frustration, gripping his waist pulling him forward so that our hips could connect in blissful friction. His head lurched back as a gasp released from those beautiful lips that I could not resist the urge to kiss roughly. It wasn't as if I had any need to put up a fight anymore.

"Don't you** ever** do that again," I growled out, biting his bottom lip harshly before littering his jawline and neck appreciatively with bites, "I would be in jail from what I was planning to do to you."

This seemed to only excite the blond even more, a breathless moan releasing from him as his hips lurched into mine, hitching my breathing. "Don't you dare stop chasing me," he growled out, his hands reaching up and lacing themselves in my hair, "You better kill me first."

"Trust me, Naruto," I bit harshly at the juncture between his neck and shoulder, tasting blood, "That can be arranged."

He tugged off my shirt, without any complaint from me. His own shirt and pants followed quickly after.

To actually maneuver to the bedroom on the other side of the house- and up a flight of stairs- with a blond man effectively trying to have sex with you the entire time would have been an herculean task for any man.

Which is why we only made it to my study- right before the stairwell- before we stopped even trying. We ended up sprawled on the futon in there (placed in case I worked well into the night) our clothes long since abandoned and rocking hard in unrestrained need at the tension between us.

If I had any coherent part in my brain, I would have acknowledged that the bloodlust I felt for the blond- directly due to the fact that mere minutes ago I wanted to strangle him- made the sex so much more intense than I could ever remember it being. Every hickey and grind I made against the smaller tanned frame underneath me resulted in an erotic mewl or equally tantalizing sound from the squirming blond.

By the time that I managed to enter him- with no lubricant minus the saliva left over from the blowjob he gave me earlier and the resulting semen- we both were so sensitive that we mutually moaned out, probably not able to last much longer than a handful of minutes.

Nevertheless, he arched against me, leaving scratches lining my back and I thrust harder into him, encouraged by each scream and sigh that held my name on it, rocketing us faster towards a mutual climax.

* * *

When I awoke the next morning, floating on the edge of satisfied dreams and an equally pleasant reality, I was satisfied by the memories of last night- albeit a little soar.

After the round in the office, we had proceeded up the stairs to have another round in the bathroom (during a failed attempt at cleaning up the earlier mess) in the closet (finding clothes for the blond) and once again in the bed (for the hell of it).

But once I was a little more aware, I realized that I was awoken, not by an alarm clock as I had become accustomed to, but rather to an incessant knock at what had to be my front door.

After a moment of motivation, I came to a rise, reaching for a pair of boxers off of the floor. I heard the running water in the ajointed bathroom, figuring the dobe was showering and headed downstairs, remembering at the last minute to pull on a pair of sweats thrown across a chair as I headed down the stairs.

The knocking continued, by now accompanied with the ringing of my house phone. Deaming the phone the lesser of two evils, I put the receiver to my ear, being silenced before I could even manage a groggy hello. "Boss! Open up the fucking door! We need to talk, now!"

"Ten Ten...?" I drawled out, heading towards the door where her knocking was still occurring, "Why... so early..."

Flipping the deadbolt in the door, I pulled open the door only to be pushed back as my secretary rushes into the house, holding a flurry of paperwork. "Big news!" she scowled running into my living room and slamming the papers on the table.

I groaned aloud, combing my fingers through my hair in irritation, "It's Tuesday; we never work on Tuesdays."

"You might want to look at this- it concerns your assets."

"Look," I sighed, waving a hand in dismissal, "I already know about the money in the account, the moron told me yesterday, so everything is fine."

"This is about everything else, boss. You have nothing!"

Her last words froze me where I stood, now wide awake as I studied her with narrowed eyes. "What do you mean, 'I have nothing'?"

She motioned to the table and I now took a moment to actually look at the papers. Real estate, liquidators, bank statements, stock shares... "What is all of this?"

"Your house, your car, your shares in your father's company- everything is gone."

My knees failed me. I quickly reached out for the couch, plopping down on it. "Everything...?"

"Everything," she confirmed, pointing to a piece of paper signed in bright orange, "This note was left."

I stared numbly at the paper, the chicken scratch for handwriting too familiar for me not to notice even if it wasn't signed.

_Don't you dare stop chasing me, duckbutt._

_-Naruto_

I lurched up from the couch, sprinting upstairs and barreling through the bathroom door, being met with a wall of smoke. Wrenching open the screen door, I'm presented with an empty shower, an empty b bathroom, and an empty wallet.

I had always been a gambling man- I got that much honestly- my brother had assured me after being in business with my father.

I had never backed down from a challenge, always willing to roll that dice, but it seemed that this time, it hadn't paid off. "NARUTO!"

I slammed the screen door shut, not even caring that the glass shattered with the force. "You better sleep with one eye open because when I get my hands on you I'll-!" I swore aloud, knowing well that the blond was long gone.

"You better run!"

* * *

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**I'll update faster and you'll get more lemons, seems fair, don't you think?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **Identity Crisis

**Synopsis:** Naruto's memories of his entire life are wiped. In fact, he hadn't known his own name until his brethren at the Akatsuki had told him. The only thing familiar to him in Akatsuki- a sign that there was a time that he was in fact familiar to them- came in the form of a member his own age with blood red eyes- a kekkai genkai called sharingan.

**A/N: Okay, so here's another weird thing that's been running around in my head for a while. I'm throwing it on here in case I get some ideas from someone who reads it, because it's currently in pieces.**

* * *

My first memory isn't really a memory. I awaken, that much is obvious.

That's what its called when one opens his or her eyes after a long period of rest; the only problem was, I had no idea how long I'd been resting. When I tried to move, my joints almost physically screamed their complaint. I was severely injured. "So you've finally come to."

My eyes wander around the black abyss that I had come to be in to see a orange oval with black lines running through it. "Don't worry, you won't feel anything for much longer."

The orange mask spoke again, drifting back into the shadows, leaving me once again. It would've been stupid of me to try to move, but I still called out. "Where am I?"

The sound of movement around me pauses for a brief moment before the orange mask reappears. It remains above me for a moment more- watching me- before the voice once again drifts from behind it. "Do you not remember me?"

I let his words wash over me, wandering through my own mind.

I remember words- how to speak and use them to convey what I wanted or needed.

I knew that wherever I was was dark, that's why I couldn't see anything far off.

I knew that there was a face behind the orange mask.

But as for who was behind the mask- or even who I was- there was nothing. "I do not."

His head tilted to the side before he spoke again, this time his question coming out slower, "Do you remember... who you are?"

"I do not."

Through the single whole in his mask, I can see a displacement of color- red and black.

But still, there was nothing in my mind about it. "You are telling the truth," he states.

With that, he leaves my sight, and continues somewhere in the darkness.

**(Insert witty page break here.)**

"It has already been two weeks since I've awoken," I whined to Obito, the only person I have seen thus far.

With the words of this man, I quickly learned about my identity as a member of his mercenary group, Akatsuki. He was the leader and I a new recruit. I also knew that there were more to the group than I had seen as of yet. According to him, I had gotten incapacitated while heading to a mission, somehow wiping my memories. That's also how I received the scar traveling my side and the reason I had so many seals on. A precaution, Obito had urged. "When will I get to leave this room? Isn't it about time I resumed my mission?"

"Patience, Naruto. First we have to make sure that the jutsu didn't leave any unwanted effects. How are your chakra levels?"

"Same as yesterday and the days before that one. I have heard no voices, nor have I sensed any chakras other than the ones you have pointed out to me hundreds of times before. There have been no strange animals nor any summonings, so will you please- please- let me see someone- anyone before I flee myself to find them."

Obito rolled his eyes at my antics, knowing fully well that all I was doing was complaining and would never act upon my urgings. "Very well..."

A grin split across my face in seconds as he headed towards the entryway leading outside of my room and disappeared. Moments later, I heard the mumbling of voices, three of which I had never heard before, at which case my glee only increased. If I was lucky, he'd let me see all of them at once. But when he made his way back towards my room, I frowned at the sound of only one set of footsteps following him. "You can meet one member for now. Depending on how well you take it, I'll reintroduce you fully to the group."

As he and the other person came into view, I eagerly looked him over. The person seemed to be close to me in age and within a single glance, I took in the strange hair style, the pale skin and the red eyes. A familiar fashioned hairstyle. Pale skin I knew somehow was not a sign of his long times in the Akatsuki Caves. Red eyes I knew to be called sharingan. Before he could introduce himself, a name was on the tip of my tongue and out of my mouth. "Sasuke?"

Both men froze.

Their faces were indifferent but the sudden change in their shoulders clearly showed that my knowledge of his name was unexpected. Obito gave me a look over while the new male- Sasuke- stepped forward, his gaze never leaving my own curious one. "Hn."

The sound of his voice was familiar as well. The sound coming from him sent my heart in a frenzy. Another familiar sensation. So I know this man. This Sasuke.

A smile spread across my face that quickly widened at the surprise in his own that was quickly hidden. "I remember you! Obito, I remember him."

Obito nodded encouraged and somewhat relieved. He was just as pleased as I was. "So that means I'll remember everyone else too, right!" I called, my eagerness easily shining.

"Perhaps, but then again, you didn't remember me," Obito continued, glancing at Sasuke for a moment before turning back to me.

"From now on, we'll see how you do with visits from Sasuke. If you can handle it, I'll let you join the group."

**(Insert witty page break here.)**

"Come here, my child."

I looked up to see Obito, still wearing his orange mask for a reason beyond me. Stepping forward, I kneel, eager to please the man I was sure was important to me in a past life. The large black trench coat that was a uniform of the Akatsuki swamped me. "Yes?"

"I have a mission for your team. In fact, it was the one you were to complete at the time of your incapacitation. Do you accept it?"

I nodded, lowering my head further, "Yes."

"Good, then I will entrust you to Sasuke Uchiha and any else he deems necessary to bring along on your mission."

"There will be no one else," Sasuke answered, appearing next to me in return.

My breath hitched all the same, my heart panicking with a sudden rush of adrenaline. I will never get used to him, will I?

"What is our mission?" I asked.

"To capture Killer B; the jinchūriki of Gyūki, the eight tails."

**(Insert witty page break here.)**

"What is this?!" I screamed, panic closing my breathing in a most unpleasant way as my mind raced.

I looked around blindly for Sasuke, knowing that without a doubt, only he would be able to silence everything- to make it stop. "I will not be fooled! Not after what you did to Sasuke! This village will be destroyed!"

"Brat, don't you dare speak such ludicrousy! What the hell did they do to you?" the busty blonde spoke, everything about her bringing forth a headache fiercely.

"Release me! Sasuke will come for me, all of my brethren will and you will regret your choice!" I growled out, lashing against the chakra strings that wrapped around me.

"What on earth did they do to you, Naruto?"

"Stop calling me by name! I do not want kindness from anyone from this village!"

My heart was hammering in my chest at the speed of light. Everything about this situation was dangerous. I was being watched not only by the initial target, but by the kage of the Land of Fire as well as other high qualified ninja- most jonin. All seemed to know of me.

Or rather, they knew me personally.

"Did... did I defect from this village?" I asked, before I could quench my curiosity.

"Trust me, if you had tried to run away from this village, I would've killed you myself!" a pink-haired woman growled out, stepping close.

Her chakra wasn't anything extraordinary, but I knew the tale-tell signs of strength without the shuddering of the male next to her. This woman wasn't confident for nothing.

Deciding that it would be better to stop talking altogether, I close my eyes, focusing on the link I held with all of the other members of Akatsuki and searched desperately for Sasuke. He was near, that much I knew for sure. But how close, I couldn't tell. The strings that bound me were taking away my chakra and although I had a reserve that would astound any man, the contact with the strings were beginning to take effect.

However, luck was on my side.

A mere kilometer or so from my current location, I could feel the faint chakra signature more familiar than my own.

Sasuke was in the village.

He was moving fast.

If we were to stand a chance with so many high level ninja, I was going to need to get out of my current predicament.

"Naruto, do you remember anything?"

Ignoring the voices that spoke around me, I focused on the chakra that Obito had told me about. The red chakra that was the reason why I was chosen for this mission.

The red chakra that made me stronger than everyone- even Sasuke.

Without waiting a moment, I released it in a tangible way, feeling the chakra strings snapping and hearing the complaints of the ninja around me.

Getting to my feet quickly, I dodge the kunai thrown at me and incapacitate the two jonin that had reacted fastest to my chakra build-up- a man and woman with identical lilac eyes.

Forming a rasengan without a second thought, I crash through the wall, looking for a way outside. I didn't even manage a five second head start before I was being tailed by ninja. Deploying shadow clones quickly without a need for hand signs, I seperate them, following a group of two other down a right hallway. Soon enough, we are tailed by a man and a ninken. To make matters worse, the dog was quickly gaining on me. Catching sight of light up ahead, I drop one clone with a surprise mini rasengan- it wouldn't do to kill these ninja, although I was sure that they would simply avoid it, only to be able to be attacked by my second clone. A loud animalistic call causes me to pause momentarily before continuing faster towards the light- windows. Sending a few shuriken ahead of me, I sprint through the broken window without any second thought, confident in my deductions.

Thankfully, I was right to recognize the call of Tengu, Sasuke's hawk that I had affectionately named after he had tried to kill me for touching its owner. Being caught by the large hawk, I turn to see the faces of the ninja that were still in pursuit of my clones. Perhaps that would confuse them enough for me to get a head start well away from the village. Tengu remained low, close to the roofs of the buildings and I didn't know why until a familiar shadow jumped onto his back. "Alright, Tengu, let's get out of here."

My heart skipped a beat at Sasuke- something I was beginning to understand would never cease. I brought him forward for a kiss, unable to resist this need within me. I wanted an explanation for everything. Otherwise, my head was liable to burst.

But right then, right there, all I needed was Sasuke. A complete lust and longing for his entire being.

* * *

**A/N: That's where I'm ending this... thing. So love it, hate it, want me to make it into a multi-chap fic, want to take over the world? Leave all this- and more- in a review.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Another thought that's been in my head for a while. Nothing explicit in this beside a few choice words. It's just been taking up space on my laptop for a while now. **

**Title: The Ex From Hell**

**Synopsis: Sasuke Uchiha didn't play well with others. His three partners he's shot for incompetence can attest to that. That's why he generally works alone. That is, until his satanic elder brother brings back that last partner the raven-haired man ever expected- his ex. SasuNaru.**

* * *

"No."

Itachi let out a sigh, but otherwise didn't express his irritation. Currently we both were in his personal elevator, heading towards his office. "Sasuke, it is protocol that each Anbu has an accompaniment. Even Suna are abiding by this law."

"I work better without distractions."

"We could provide you with a member with equivalent skills."

"I don't have time to babysit someone who might be able to match me in a fight. Just misplace my file for a few years."

Itachi glared at me as the elevator opened, allowing us out. "I do not misplace anything. Mistakes will not be tolerated within my department, least of all by me. You will just have to deal with your new partner and report to Nara for debriefing."

"Then you will just have to deal with my new partner being paid disability when he gets shot."

Itachi paused in front of his receptionist, a blond named Deidara who I was sure he was seeing outside of work for personal reasons. "Sasuke, you can't shoot another one of your partners."

"Hn."

His eyes narrowed and flashed red as he turned his gaze towards me. "No 'hn'. You will not shoot your partner this time."

"I didn't shoot the moron last time."

"Then what do you call the bullet that ballistics recovered from his shoulder that was inscribed with our clan seal?"

If I were anyone outside of my clan, I would've rolled my eyes; but since it was Itachi I was talking to, I settled for a glare. "He tripped and happened to be in my line of fire."

"You shot while he was heading for cover-"

"In the middle of a shootout! What type of agent hides while their enemy is shooting at them at point blank? It's either you're going to get shot or they are and frankly, we don't die."

Itachi turned away. For a moment, I had dared to think I had won the argument, but then again, I should've known better. This was my older brother we were talking about. "Your partner is currently being debriefed by Nara and I suggest you do the same."

"Ita-"

He slammed his door right in my face and I heard the sound of the deadbolt sliding into place for good effect. Looks like I'd have to shoot another useless idiot.

**(Insert witty page break here.)**

"We have went over this before Itachi. I won't have another partner."

"Too bad for you that these orders come from the Hokage. There's no way out of this one Uchiha, you're just going to have to play nice."

"Uchiha's don't play well with others," I hissed out, slamming my hands on his desk.

"Well learn how to," Itachi admonished, unfazed by my sudden flare in temper as he pressed an intercom on his desk, "Please send him up."

I wanted to roll my eyes, but the very thought was against the Uchiha blood, so I settled instead for an intense glare directed at my brother. "We both know how this is going to end. This moron will either jeopardize the mission, piss on himself whenever I say something, or be killed."

"Sasuke, you will not kill one of the Hokage's favorite ninja."

I raised a single eyebrow, "I never said I would kill them."

"You've drawn your gun on seven members already and shot three of them- all on missions and all without provocation."

"They pissed me off."

Itachi leaned back in his chair, running a hand through his loose hair- a nervous habit of his, "That does not qualify as provocation."

"You wouldn't shoot someone if they pissed you off?"

His eyes narrowed slightly, but it was all the answer I needed.

In truth, if Itachi was faced with a subordinate who was 'lacking', he'd be more likely to shoot him than I was. But that doesn't mean he'd admit it out loud.

Apparently he was trying to prove a point. A moot point, in my opinion.

Whoever this new ninja was, there was still no chance of me being able to work with him. None of the Hokage's personal ninja were even close to my skill level and I did not do well with strangers. In fact, I hated them.

There was a knock at the door and instantly I frowned, as a voice danced through the door. "You called for me?"

I froze and the whole world came to a stop.

Because for once, I knew the voice of the person behind Itachi's ebony door.

I knew what he would look like, feel like, taste like and all at once the brick wall I had built to quarantine everything having to do with that person started to bulge.

So many memories and emotions rushed in all at once, emotions that I had experienced only during one part of my life- a part I did not want to revisit.

"Come in," Itachi spoke, his voice not only an answer to the person outside of the door, but also a warning to me.

'Oh god no…'

It's funny how you're not religious until the moment that you need something- someone- that can help you out of an impossible situation. And I was a Konoha Anbu, there was never any such thing as an impossible situation until that moment. The sound of the footfalls of the person rang like thunder in my ears and I could feel my bloodline limit blazing in my eyes as every muscle in my body urged me to turn, to see him, to hold him. 'Please… anyone but him…'

My mind surged with the familiar citrus and sweet scent that could only come from one person and immediately my stomach plummeted as the body stilled next to me, allowing me to see the vibrant blond hair in my peripheral, the sharingan providing everything else.

The golden tanned skin.

The muscled yet lean figure.

The gorgeous blue eyes.

"Uchiha, this is Namikaze, your partner for this mission."

And just like that- all the pain, all the hatred, all the betrayal, and all the feelings came rushing back and slammed into me with such a force I stumbled a few steps back, my mind speeding so far forward thatI forgot how to breathe as he came fully into my sight.

'_Partner? With him?! How could Itachi do this to me… Namikaze. He married?! Who would he marry? When did he marry?! Why did he even come back?! Why did he leave?!_'

Then, Itachi's statement suddenly caught up with me and the long held breath released in a rush as I turned away from the blue eyes that were suffocating me in their depths and turned my gaze to Itachi. "Partner…"

At Itachi's smirk I knew well that I wasn't hearing him wrong and did the only thing that actually made sense at that time (and managed to find its way through all of the chaos sprouting in my mind at two thousand miles a minute).

"You fucker!" I hollered, launching myself across the desk, set on strangling my brother with his own tie.

* * *

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